Blonde Joke

[Silverbug]

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over.
When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket.
He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded the blonde "stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!".
He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.
When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.
He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.
Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it.
He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.
"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!"

[jmbeach]

hahahaha

[Brangwyn]

That's a good one

[DVHost]

I concur.

[Vixen]

And people actually have to ask why I am not blonde anymore. LoL People actually think all blondes are that stupid.

[bigdave]

Hot snow falls up?

[Vixen]

Funny Dave.

[Brangwyn]

Never eat yellow snow, thats all I know

[Vixen]

Don't spit into the wind.

[jmbeach]

Originally Posted by Brangwyn

Never eat yellow snow, thats all I know

unless if it's shave ice with pineapple syrup

[Silverbug]

On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go
to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the
sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will
give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live
for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the
other forty." And God agreed.

On the second day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day
by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or
walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years
and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed.

On the third day God created the monkey. God said, "! Entertain
people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a
twenty-year life span."

The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years?
I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll
do too, okay?" And God agreed again.

On the forth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play,
have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you
twenty years."

Man said, "What? Only twenty years! No way, man. Tell you what,
I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the
ten the dog gave back and the ten the monkey gave back, that
makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have
sex, enjoy, and do nothing; for the next forty years we slave
in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we
do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the
last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

[Silverbug]

Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night, with Paddy the pilot and Gerry the co-pilot.

As they approached Dublin Airport, they looked out of the front window.

'By Jesus,' said Paddy, 'will you look at how fookin short that runway is.'

'Ya not fookin kiddin, Paddy,' replied Gerry.

'This is going to be one of the trickiest landings you are ever gonna see,' said Paddy.

'Ya not fookin kiddin, Paddy,' replied Gerry.

'Roit Gerry, when I give the signal, you put to engines in reverse,' said Paddy.

'Roit, I'll be doing dat,' replied Gerry.

'And den you put the flaps down straight away,' said Paddy.

'Roit, I'll be doing dat,' replied Gerry.

'And den you stamp on tern brakes as hard as you can,' said Paddy.

'Roit, I'll be doing dat,' replied Gerry.

'And den you pray to Mother Mary with alla you soul,' said Paddy.

'Roit, I'll be doing dat too,' replied Gerry.

So they approached the runway with Paddy and Gerry full of nerves and with sweaty palms.

As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Gerry put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, rammed the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul.

Amid roaring engines, squealing of tires and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt 2 cm from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Paddy and Gerry and everyone on board.

As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Gerry, 'Dat has gotta be to shortest fookin runway I have ever seen in my whole life.'

Gerry looked out the side window and replied, 'Yeah Paddy, but look how fookin wide it is.'

[sequill]

God and St Peter sat talking about the great week God had just put in and Peter was asking him about the specific reasons for what he had done and the rule of balance in nature, so God said:

I created America and put in it the Indians, they have peace, no greed, food in abundance and lots of love but to balance all that good out, they will be invaded in the future killded, scalped, raped, exterminated and their lands taken over by foreigners.

P: And what about Russia then
G: The Russians will have a terrible life, poverty, freezing weather, hunger and brutal dictator after brutal dictator but I will give them vodka and that will balance things out.

P: But what about Africa
G: Africa will have sunshine, great tribes, enjoyment and plenty of food but for a balance the Africans will be taken slaves, beaten, murdered, have famine after famine and then aids so that should be ok.

P: right you are, but what about Ireland
G: Ireland will be green, peaceful, plenty of love, guinness, craic, music - everyone will want to go there it will be fantastic.

P: I dont understand what about the rule of balance.
G: Wait till you see the neighbours I am going to give them...........

[Silverbug]

lol good