Dear Tech Support:

[BCS]

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and
jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend
5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable
programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but
installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. And now
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply
crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no
avail. What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate


Reply

Dear Desperate: First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an
entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download
Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0. If all works as designed, Husband
1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and
Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default
to grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a
very bad program that will create Snoringloudly.wav files.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall
another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and
will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a
limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might
consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I
personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9. Husband 1.0 is
very fond of Lingerie 6.9.

Good Luck,

Tech Support


========================

[Vixen]

LoL That's funny.

[Brangwyn]

An oldie, but still a goodie the wife one is great too.

I have never seen the wife one....

Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, system
manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, longing for the warmth of
bedsheets, still I sat there, doing spreadsheets:

having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer. Typing
with a
steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to
store, Only this and nothing more.

Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing,
doubting while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more.
"Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!" One thing
did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, just, "Abort, Retry,
Ignore?"

Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion?
These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before.
Carefully, I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises.
The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more.
Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more, from "Choose
Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

With my fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending,
longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored, praying for some
guarantee, timidly I pressed a key. But on the screen there still
persisted words appearing as before. Ghastly grim they blinked and
taunted, haunted, as by patience wore, saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

I tried to catch the chips off-guard-I pressed again, but twice as hard.
I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore.
Now in desperation, trying random combinations, still there came the
incantation, just as senseless as before. Cursor blinking, angrily
winking, blinking nonsense as before. Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted.
Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night.
A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my core.
The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore.
Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

To this day I do not know the place to which lost data goes. What demonic
nether world is wrought where data will be stored, beyond the reach of
mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes? But sure as there's C,
Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more, you will one day be left to wander,
lost on some Plutonian shore, Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

Can someone please install wife 1.0 to this message board, i would like to see this program.

Mike

[Brangwyn]

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 4.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving few system resources for other applications. He is also now noticing the Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in the product documentation, though other users have informed me that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.
Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself so that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. Some applications such as PokerNite 10.3 , Bachelor Party 2.5, and Pubnite 7.0 are no longer able to run on the system at all, causing the system to lockup when launched (even though the apps worked fine before).

Wife 1.0 provides no installation options. Thus, the installation of undesired plug-ins such as Mother-in-law 55.8 and the Brother-in-law Beta is unavoidable. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features my friend would like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0:

A "don't remind me again" button.
Minimize button.
Ability to delete the "headache" file
An install feature that provides an option to uninstall 2.0 version without loss loss of other system resources.
An option to run the network driver in "promiscuous mode" allowing the the system's Hardware Probe feature to be much more useful/effective.
I myself wish I had decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 3.0 Even here, however, I have found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 4.0 on top of girlfriend 3.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 3.0 first, otherwise the two versions of Girlfriend will have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. Other users have told me that this is a long-standing problem that I should have been aware of. Guess that explains what happened to versions 1 and 2.

To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 3.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another identified problem is that all versions of Girlfriend have annoying little messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0!

VIRUS ALERT

All users should be aware that Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Once that happens, Mistress 1.1 won't install and you will get an "insufficient resources" error message. To avoid the aforementioned bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and " never" run any file transfer applications(such as Laplink) between the two systems.

FYI: Don't even think about a shared directory!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Brangwyn

[Vixen]

You guys are just wrong. LoL I need to find one for the dominant females. ~

[Brangwyn]