Top 10 Support Requests

[cleonard]

I'm sorry to make fun of my customer (not really), but I just have to share this one with you all as one of my top 10 support requests. Names erased to protect the stupid.

Received this email this morning

__________________________________________________ ___________
From:
Sent: Wednesday, September 15, 2004 7:57 AM
To: support@
Subject: xxxxxxxx.org and date on server


When looking at our calendar off of our website that you host for us, the date is one day ahead. I also looked at server status and at the bottom of that page it shows that the report is for the 15th not today the 14th.



Can you please check and correct this?



Thank you.
__________________________________________________ ___________

I replied a couple hours later and asked him to check it to let me know if it was correct now.

He hasn't responded. I think he figured out today is the 15th

Exact phrasing lost in time but this is the essence, from our ticket system:

"Could you change the timeout from 1800 seconds to 30 minutes?"

[generic]

send him a duplicate bill and you might make a few $$

[cleonard]

I kid you not . . .

I got a response this morning:

_____________________________________

Thank you. Everything looks good!!!


____________________________________

Gotta love it!!

Good one!

My favorite is this one, I'm sure it qualifies for "Top 10":

"Regarding email server failures, would we still be able to check our emails?"

[admin]

I always like when they ask:

"Do you really have 24/7 support"

I alwasy want to go, we just work part time now so its 12/3.5 or tell them no we work 23.5/7 we do need to eat at some point..

[keidsjedo]

Do you think it would help them if you converted 24/7 to decimal? It might be the division that's confusing them.

We have 3.4285714285714285714285714285714 support.

[Silverbug]

you could just tell them no its a missprint on the website and it should say 25/8

[TheDesigners]

These are all good. Here's my favorite phone support conversation:

"We have a problem with the email. Whenever someone in the office checks their email, they get mine too and when I try to send an email to Robert's computer, it just loops back to me."

"What do you mean, loops back to you?" I ask.

"When I send him an email, it just returns to me."

"What address are you using?"

"The one you set up for me," she replies.

"Susan, what address are you sending it to? What is Robert's address?"

"The one that you gave me" she's now getting frustrated.

"Robert has the same email address as you do?" I asked.

"Yes, were all using the address that you gave me, so why won't the email go to Robert's computer?"

.....

Gotta love 'em

[awen]

*G* I just have to share this, I wrote this for my eZine a couple years ago. It IS fiction, however it's based on the truth...

Usernames & Passwords....bane of my existence. It seems every day, I have to come up with them, and every place has it's own restrictions of what can be used, how many characters, etc...THEN someone always seems to have "your" username already...so you get to dream up something new that you won't remember.

Don't get me wrong, I understand the need for all this security stuff, I've even employed it myself on my sites. Normally I don't mind too much though. Come up with a username and password, write it on the wall and forget about it, right?

Sometimes, especially in the corporate world, that department known as "IT," (No one has figured out for sure who works in "IT," or even what "IT" is) mandates even more restrictions on your password, such as time limits to your password. Anywhere from 30 to 90 days and that password that took you at least half that time to remember has to be changed. aargh!

To make matters worse, I have certain programs that run in the background that check email on all my accounts and do all kinds of things. Whenever I have to change my password, I also have to change it in all those programs, or else after a number of unsuccessful logins my account gets locked out, requiring a phone call to "IT" to get my password reset.

The following are a few my recent calls to "IT" to get my account reset. You should keep in mind that whenever I am required to change my password I am usually in a hurry and annoyed at having to change it at that time...plus not being able to use the same password over again for at least 3 years has started to drain my pool of usual passwords which has prompted a more creative approach.

IT: "Hello, this is Jack, how may I help you?"
Me: "Hi Jack, This is Mike, I had to change my password today, and now I'm locked out of my account again and need it reset."
IT: "Sure, no problem, what's your username?"
Me: I tell him my username
IT: "Ok, and what password did you have?"
Me: "Before or after I changed it?"
IT: "The new one."
Me: "byte me"
IT: "Excuse me?"
Me: "byte me"
IT: "Sir, I assure you that I am with IT, and will never use or give out your password, but I need it to verify who you are to reset it."
Me: "I told you, "byteme."
IT: "Oh, ok I understand now. he he, that's good, I'll have to use that."
Me: "You said you would never use it!"
IT: "No, I meant that I would never use your username and password together. I want to use your password for MY account."
Me: "Fine, I guess I have to change mine again. *click*"

(The Next Day)
IT: "Hello, this is Jack, how may I help you?"
Me: *click*

(5 minutes later)
IT: "Hello, this is Paul with IT."
Me: "Hi Paul, I had to change my password again because Jack wanted it, but now I'm locked out of my account again and need it reset."
IT: "That's easy, it'll just take a moment, what is your username?"
Me: I tell him my username.
IT: "Ok, and what is your password?"
Me: "You're not going to use it are you?"
IT: "No sir! I'd lose my job if I did."
Me: "Well Jack said he wanted my old password to use for himself."
IT: "I'm quite happy with mine, so you don't need to worry about that either. Now what is your password?"
Me: "What password"
IT: "The one you want reset."
Me: "I told you."
IT: "I'm sorry, I must have missed it, could you please tell me your password again?"
Me: "whatpassword"
IT: *click*

(7 minutes later)
IT: "Hello, this is Paul with IT."
Me: *click*

(3 minutes later)
IT: "Hello, this is Jack, how may I help you?"
Me: *click*

(3 minutes later)
IT: "Hi, This is Tammy!"
Me: Hi Tammy, I need my account reset, Jack stole my last one and Paul hung up on me.
IT: "I'm sorry to hear that, I'll fix you right up."
Me: "That would be great, my username is ....."
IT: "Ok, and your password?"
Me: "whatpassword"
IT: "Hey, that is too cool! That's mine too!"
Me: "CRAP! Now I need to change it AGAIN! Did Paul tell you?"
IT: "No, I've had this password for a month now. Tell me what you want to change your password to and I'll change it for you and reset your account."
Me: "okiedokie"
IT: *silence*
IT: *silence*
Me: "Did you get that?"
IT: "No I'm sorry, I didn't hear anything, would you please repeat it?"
Me: "okiedokie"
IT: *silence*
IT: *silence*
IT: "Hello? Are you still there?"
Me: "Yes, did you change it yet?"
IT: "Change it to what?"
Me: "Just Byte Me!
IT: "I'm sorry, you used that password already, you'll have to pick another."
Me: "aaargh! *click*"

[mfennell]

lots of good ones here

http://www.clientcopia.com/

[cleonard]

Opening up old threads from the past but I've got another one I just have to share from today.

Among other things I run an ecommerce store using Candypress. Had an order a couple of weeks ago and the customer decided to pay via check. I received the check yesterday and via Candypress, updated the status of the order to "paid" this morning.

They got an email indicating the status has been changed to paid and it states they'll get another one when it ships.

An hour and a half later they send me a reply to that email wondering if the product had shipped yet because they haven't received it and wanted to know if there was a problem.

I just laughed

"Yeah, I door-to-door airfreighted that $5 item out a couple of hours ago I can't imagine why you don't have it yet"

I just love customers.

[Silverbug]

lol talk about dredging up threads from the dead

[cleonard]

And the best part Paul . . . we're still here!!!

Beats those "guest" designations I see.

[Silverbug]

best or saddest? haha definatly best.